Healthy with Shani

I read an article in a very popular women's magazine the other day which featured their favorite fitness tips. many of these magazines contain very fluffy advice, but tens of thousands of women still seek out that advice, daily. I observed the images which featured models with long and slender legs and arms, and naturally thin waists.  The models were demonstrating things like yoga poses to "tighten and tone" and one celebrity trainer was cited as saying she advises getting firm and toned arms by using "no more than three pound weights." Um....rly? I believe (yeaaah from experience) that if you're overweight and looking for help, reading these magazines may make you harder on yourself because following this advice is going to bring about results so incredibly slowly that you're likely to completely lose interest in your workouts and opt to spend your evening watching "The Biggest Loser" whilst digging into your Twinkie ration but motiva...

My rapid weight loss and self explosion into the fitness world surged a tidal wave that I was ecstatically riding upon until it crashed into the shore and left me gasping for air, trying to clear my lungs of salt water and regain strength from being tossed so carelessly.  But while trying to be strong again and get up, my skin was being burnt from the hot sun that mercilessly beat upon me. I never say that if I could go back I would.  Because I wouldn't know the things that I know now, thus, how would I be the person that I am today? I am passionate about others avoiding mistakes I have made in regard to the "fit" lifestyle and advise against anyone ever going from lifelong fat to competition prep.  I do feel that there are emotional components to being overweight that take time to recover from, and there are also emotional components you must anticipate and be ready for as a competitor for both during preparation and life after show.  If you haven't given yoursel...

determine density (p) where m = my muscle (mass) and v = my entire body (volume) I notice daily how much more dense I feel and am slightly addicted to touching myself when I workout lol. ok, im not that  obvious about it, nor is it a sexual thing, but it's absolutely rewarding and motivating to be able to feel the results of determined work.  particularly, to feel my hamstrings becoming well developed rocks.  Hamstrings used to be my least favorite part to work - mainly because they were one of my weakest.  I now find myself determined to hit this group with as many movement variations as i possibly can to strengthen and balance the entire area. I find myself working so much harder because it took time and pain to get here  and it will take time and pain to get there .  i dont mind. It's one thing to see  results and an entirely different thing to feel  results at a micro level.  Of course you can feel results when you wake every ...

So, yeah, Sandy hit everyone pretty hard. But I never lost power, never had to fight for gas, never had to retrieve my belongings from the ocean, never had to watch my neighborhood go up in flames, never had to search for a hot meal and never had to take an ice cold shower. Nope. I am so lucky. The only thing affected was my waistline. And that was hit hard. The event too easily morphed into my excuse for indulging in cheese-its, beer, burgers, fries, ice cream, cupcakes, chocolate, chips, chocolate chips and anything else I can't think of that has left toxic molecules floating around my brain and contributed to an influx of adipose tissue that currently sticks to my hips. Oh yeah baby! I went HAM on some ham...sandwiches. I ate Shake Shack for goodness sake!!! Shani ate Fast food!!! Oooohhh but it was gooood. For the moment... All this food...then what? The fat fest is over. All I felt while eating these things were the happy chemicals seeping through my...

Hurricane Sandy smashed NYC/NJ and LI this past weekend and we're still reeling from the devastation. The city feels like it's been through an Apocalypse.  I can not even imagine what 9-11 was like for those living here during those events.  In some way, it's a tiny bit comforting to know that there was absolutely nothing that any person could have done to prevent this from happening.  We are somewhat powerless against nature. Though I remained quite fortunate through this event, my heart is broken for the ones who were not and for those who are guarding their homes and remaining valuables from others with ill intentions....for those waiting in line at gas stations just to get gas to power their generators so they can have heat for their family....for those sitting on the rooftops of their beloved homes, waiting for aerial rescue....for those whose family members drowned....for those who died in their sleep when trees fell onto their homes....for shop owners who lost ...

...i just polished off an ungodly amount of sushi and sashimi from a meeting this afternoon.  I also had four cookies - two peanut butter and two m&ms. My stomach feels preggers and I cannot wait to go home and curl up on my couch with my fur babies and just snooze.  It's dreary and cold outside anyway and today was an off day from the gym - even OFF from cardio. Talk about rest and recovery.....I need to recover from this afternoon's feast.  It happens....I can eat more than a man!  I just can.  And sometimes, yes, I do!! Keyword - sometimes !

when you're recovering from an addiction, the possibility of relapse always remains below the surface.  the longer it's been since you've partaken in your addictive tendency, the deeper that addiction will be buried below the surface.  but it is still there. ive been working hard on my fitness lately and feeling amazing.  i feel triumphant and positive about the changes i am making to my body.  Sometimes I eat more than I would like and sometimes I make poor food choices.  Sometimes I miss two days in a row working out.  Sometimes I go out and have a drink....or two or three. But most of the time, my habits are in alignment with my goals of achieving the level of fitness I desire.   Yesterday I had another successful day of goal oriented eating.  My workout was strong and intense and I felt great and was looking forward to heading home and having a healthy meal, taking a hot bath and getting plenty of restful sleep. I went home and ...

The thing about putting yourself out there for all to see means that all may see what you put out there. I am someone who believes in second chances - most of the time.  Sometimes I am scatterbrained when it comes to relationships.  But I do know that if someone truly wants to be in my life in a capacity that works, for my life, then I will allow them to be. I am ultra sensitive at times and hurt easily until I decide to close off - and then I can be like stone.  I will move on as if you never existed.  I do not intend to close my heart.   I just do . But that's only after I've gone to the ends of the earth for you and the relationship.  I will overlook things or tolerate certain things while sitting back quietly.  I will speak loudly when something is wrong and yes my timing could be better and yes my communication could be better.  I know where my weaknesses lie and it is something that I aim to improve. If you don't listen, I will need ...

I will safely state that I have finally reached that "speed forward ahead" point with my training. It's the point where you don't crave the foods or consume the excess that drifts you from your goals. It's the point where you can actually see changes when you look in the mirror. It's the point where not only are your pants looser, but so are your shirts. It's the point where you step inside the gym even when you don't feel like it because you know you won't allow yourself to walk out.  And you know that by being there you wouldn't dare waste that time on a half-assed session. It's the point where you do feel like it. This has been a feeling that I haven't unlocked since I was close to stepping on stage the first time, back in 2010.  That was the first time in my life that I had committed to results driven training versus just wading through the cardio equipment in the gym and eating Taco Bell for dinner. To get myself here...

Remember those seven thousand squats I boasted about completing the other day? Well today it feels like there's a little tiger living in my quads and he's purring, happy and kneading the shit out of what's left of my muscle tissue. YEAH it hurts a bit.  My ass hurts, too. But I love this pain.  It symbolizes progression....kind of like a built in reminder that you are capable of pushing yourself harder than you pushed last time. I find it amusing when I hear women in the gym whimpering their way through a workout.  If I can hear your whines through my super sound proof Marley Revolutions then you need to please exit the gym.  Go eat a protein bar, shoot a Red Bull and return when you have the energy to power through a worthwhile session.  If you can't do that then you should exit and try again tomorrow. But, admirably, if you still insist on completing your session then please refrain from having to make a scene that ensures the rest of the gym knows y...

I am no longer going to blog about my eye condition....well, maybe I'll update when I have my surgeries etc. But my doc gave me news today that has me holding my breath waiting for November 30th.  I will no longer give attention to this thing that exists in me that keeps me immersed in the continual stream of "what ifs." I have to stop identifying with this as being part of me.  So I will start by not blogging about it anymore.  That vault is CLOSED. On a better note, I've had a few days of goal oriented eating under the belt of my shrinking waistline eehehe yaay.  Really, I lose weight SO fast and I never used to be this way.  I credit that to hitting the weights hard and consistently. I tend to melt with little effort. There is a new chapter that has begun in my life.  Sometimes you just know when one ends and a new one begins.  It seems that everything around you changes....looks different.  Smells different. The temperature has drop...

Squats!! Lots and lots and lots... Around 6pm, I traded my PJs for gym clothes...slippers for sneakers. I needed to work legs today but I didn't even want to head to the gym. I didn't wanna go out in the cold and i did not want to get on the train. But I put my hat down low and headed out. On the train, those pangs haunted me. I thought "what could I do to erase this feeling? What kind of workout could elevate me above this?" This is what I came up with: 250 Squats: Perform each exercise back to back with moderate weight; rest 30 seconds between each circuit and repeat - 5 times (I did this circuit on the Max Rack - it's easier on my knees) 10 front squats w/bar 10 regular bar squats 10 squats holding 25lb plate in front of chest 10 squats holding edge of rack, feet close 10 jumping squats Rest 30 seconds...repeat I then did: 4 sets Deadlifts 4 sets hip abduction machine 4 sets lying leg curl 100 reps on leg press - with no weight ...

I did a 40 hour fast recently. It's easy for me not to eat when I'm feeling down. I've never really been an emotional eater - unless the emotion is happy. I did the fast to determine my food allergies...and I think my inflammatory culprit is eggs. I've been wandering around in a fog for the past week...literally and figuratively. And my heart feels really broken over the end of a relationship recently. We went through a lot in a short period but we became extremely close. And yes, I did fall but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I wanted to be sure. Maybe I was blinded by emotion. But we were broken toward the end so I freaked out, jumped ship and said goodbye. Despite all I thought we had, he let me walk away so easily. He instantly became a cordial stranger. Of course I expected him to chase me. After all we had....my ego expected him to chase me. But he didn't. And it reaffirmed my choice. And that makes me sad...as if I were the o...

doc today: The cataract in the left eye has grown, but the inflammation is quiet; The inflammation in the right eye is active yet reduced a grade since last time (three is highest - was grade 2/3 last time, was grade 1/2 this time); the vision in the right eye has improved from 20/70 two weeks ago to 20/50 today! My regimen will remain the same - one drop PredForte in each eye every hour and 3g Cellcept daily.  It's working slowly...but it is working. If the left eye is still quiet when I return in 3 weeks, he will finally schedule cataract surgery :))

since my physical therapist has advised against doing squats the way I was doing them before (sumo style) i've had to modify a LOT of my training. I train sloooowly and consciously - making every move count and burn.  i was also told to stear clear of the stairmaster. But I have a confession to make.  My cardio of choice is still the stairmaster. I know I know.  But hear me out! I've slowed to a snail's pace as I climb.  And I actually get just as amazing a workout as I do when I am run-hopping with plates or medicine balls held over my head as I climb.  Ok - maybe not that  awesome a workout - but the slow pace burns MORE and I sweat massively.  I have also noticed much about my posture that was a bit off.  I've noticed that I have the tendency to bring my knees inward toward one another.  So I climb slowly, with weight almost exclusively in my heels, SQUEEEEZING my ass and hamstrings and keeping my knees perfectly parallel. My focu...

This weekend I thought a lot about what limiting beliefs I have been placing on myself  But the thought process was making me feel vacant.  Cold and dead behind the eyes.  Sometimes impatience is my worst enemy - it makes me feel as if I have to hurry up and make "it" happen NOW or "it" never will.  Hurry up and heal NOW or I never will. Today I took a few large steps forward with my business idea and plan....something I haven't touched since I started experiencing complications with my vision. Have you ever been hit so hard with a burning desire to make something happen that it wakes you in the middle of the night?  Do you ever get emotional when you think about the impact you know you'll have by putting your idea out there?  Do you talk from your heart about your idea?  Does your plan make you sick to your stomach with excitement and fear all at once? Is the fear stopping you from doing anything at all? Mine does sometimes.  I'm definite...

Yesterday I had one of the most uncomfortable experiences with a doctor.  And it really taught me a valuable lesson. After receiving a referral from someone very close to me, I called the doctor and spoke over the phone about what I was seeking and he agreed he could help - particularly Allergy testing and an Immunological workup. I arrived for my appointment yesterday at 2 and felt a bit off when I walked in.  There were no other patients there - it didn't even look/smell/feel like a doctor's office.  There were no nurses and the doctor had no staff -  he processed my insurance info and did all admin tasks.  There was even no receptionist (he always answers his own office phone).  I kept an open mind because I trust the person who referred me. The question and answer session was detailed - as in, 2 hours detailed.  But I'm vulnerable about my condition and was open to hearing and talking through all possibilities.  After 2 hours of answerin...

I saw the orthopedic surgeon today. Good news: I don't need surgery. Bad news: I better pull back because if I keep doing all I'm doing, I will need it. He's ordered for me to begin physical therapy for the next 12 weeks at 2-3 times a week. He's demanded I stop Jogging...running Jumping Squatting, deadlifting; leg workouts Taking stairs even in the subway (use the elevator) No yoga No walking more than I need to... My knees are a mess. My stubborn mind uttered "yeah right but what if..." But my stubborn mind landed me in a heap of medical issues with my eyes. It's not worth pushing the limits or rebelling against authorities who know what the hell they're talking about. Besides, he's one of the best in the world. For what reason would I rebel or reject 'doctor's orders'? It's my body. He doesn't care if I don't listen. I'm the one who has to live with my decisions. I'm going to do exac...

I dont often work abs since every exercise I do, I tend to engage them in a very targeted way (standing exercises vs sitting, such as shoulder presses, skullcrushers, and leg exercises).  Every two weeks I like to throw in an intense ab day just to keep things "growing."  Abs are a muscle group like any other in your body.  To pop em up and out, hit them hard and heavy.   Oh, and if your eating habits suck and youre not doing cardio, then forget about seeing cuts... Unless youve been genetically enhanced with the metabolism of a Hummingbird - then go on....eat your Big Macs and sit on your ass.  Nice abs, by the way.   Here are a few ways I have gotten creative with my ab exercises.  Because yeah, I hated doing ab exercises.   "Who needs them...theyre boring!" Well you do, sweetheart.  Trust me, your workouts will be so much more effective. Regardless of seeing definition in your mid or not, it's important for all ar...

I've been making a conscious effort to keep my goals close and remind myself of them daily.  I have placed a small card in my wallet that goes with me everywhere and have posted a note near my bed and on my fridge to remind me of what I am working  to achieve. At the top of every one of those lists is 'having clear and healthy vision.'  That means doing whatever the hell it takes to tame the inflammation so I can start having the necessary surgeries that will hopefully restore eyesight.  I am truly hopeful and optimistic. I recently took one week off from training then went back for two days until becoming really sick and needing three more days off. I haven't taken that much time away in a very long while. After the first week off I felt like a big fatty and couldn't wait to train again.  My mind was a mess. As that week went on, I felt like I was looking in the mirror and seeing someone large and sometimes felt panicked that I was back-tracking on my...

Yes! Today I am THIRTY years old! And I do feel "different." I've never been afraid to make changes, but lately it's been too easy to live in the past and look back at how life "use to be" before moving to New York. Remember the "Sunscreen Song"? 'Live in New York but leave before it makes you hard.' Well, for a while I felt like I was overextending my stay - wearing out my welcome. These past few years have been a whirlwind testing my sanity, my strength, my patience and my mental ability to push forward despite numerous road blocks. It did change me and I'm still coping with who I am. I am learning to accept. I am learning how to be who I want to be. But regardless I'm still here and Im still fucking kickin'!. Turning 30 makes me feel like I can appreciate the mistakes I made in my 20s and that I have complete control over my own emotions and feelings. It's amazing how today nothing feels different b...

if youve ever driven over one speed bump, you know that there will probably be a second.  your reaction is to slow down enough so you can anticipate the next one and avoid blowing your tires or causing damage to your vehicle's undercarriage. I woke at 4am Wednesday with the most painful, stabbing stomach pains I have ever experienced.  For fear of the hassle of going to the ER at 4am, I decided to suffer through the pain and try to sleep. By 6.30am I was so exhausted from being in pain that I just fell right asleep.  I woke up an hour later and felt the lingering ache in my tummy.  It was that same lingering discomfort that I had been feeling for about a week.  I chalked it up to being a side effect of the Prednisone. So, basically, I called my Doc at NY Eye and Ear, left a message with his secretary who called me back after she spoke to him and said "STOP PREDNISONE NOW - GO TO THE ER!" Whoa!  Ok Im going now.  I spent the day in the Lenox Hill ...

I posted a blog a while back about my episodes and two year darkness living with an eating disorder - bulimia. I ended up deleting that post just a few days later feeling too "exposed" - it was graphic.  Perhaps one day I'll post about it again, but that's the past regardless. The future and present is full of health. My mind wrestles me now and again in regard to my eating habits because of what I did to myself in the past.  I was hard on myself and put unnecessary pressure on myself to be trim to the point of hurting myself to ensure that the weight didnt stick.  After competing, I no longer knew how to eat "normally."  I wanted to do a competition prep diet all the time because my results were so fast but I also didnt know how to enjoy a meal that wasnt part of the prep diet.  And that threw me into the emotional loop that held me tight for too long. How do I feel today?  I know that if I adhered closely to a nutritional plan, then my results in ...

I'm looking forward to turning 30 in less than a week. It's a tad bittersweet to lose that "2" until the next lifetime, but at the same time another decade means a timeline by which to gauge life events and growth. I'm not exactly where I'd like to be in my life - right now. My twenties were filled with triumphs yet awkward moments that felt like an extension of my traumatic adolescence. I made the same mistakes many times and wanted to give up for no other reason than simply feeling "cursed." But I'm far from "cursed." I'm heading in the right direction and even in my early 20s I always imagined I'd be the person I always dreamed of being 'in the threes.' I'm excited. This is gonna be awesome.

Like a zombie the clock struck 5.25pm and I pushed my desk away, jumped up with my pre workout in hand and headed over to the water cooler to mix it with some cold water and chugged. I grabbed my bag, headed into the bathroom and changed. Then I said .... "nah...I'm not gonna go tonight. I'm sore and tired and I work so hard and I'll get home late and I'm PMS'ing and I feel chubby and I ate pretty OK today..." I'll take a night off. Yeah, I'll get back to Brooklyn early and just rest. It'll be nice to sit on my couch. Dressed to workout, I Pushed through the revolving doors on Park Avenue and crossed 59th st. I waited to cross Park Avenue. I crossed Park Avenue....heading the opposite direction of the subway entrance on Lex and 59th. Halfway across Park I realized 'Wait!? I thought I was gonna go home?' 'Dammit. Ugh fine. Why would I turn back now - that'd be stupid. I can do soooomething. I'm being lazy...

yesterday was full of high-highs and low-lows.  today has been more even toned....at least so far. ive decided that with my ongoing medical monitoring and creeping inflammation in my system that I will postpone the NPC stage I had my gaze set upon in Oct and Nov. a good girlfriend of mine used to say "the stage will always be there when you're ready."  and it's so true. my body is not ready.  physically....systemically...my number one focus above my fitness is getting to the bottom of what is causing my inflammation so that i can crush the source.  it can be mentally toughening enough to train for a show and work with nutrition and training to achieve a stage ready physique.....it's another quest altogether to endure disease treatment.  both avenues mixed had been leading me to an emotional and mental dead end. it's called prioritizing.  as much as I am all or nothing regarding my fitness, I have to shift that burning desire to being cured with comp...

So I went to see my doc at NY Eye and Ear this afternoon and did not receive news I was hoping for - though the foggy vision and extreme knee pain was already my indicator of what kind of news I would get. My current medication routine is not working.  So Dr Samson has placed me back on Prednisone - 20mg indefinitely on top of my 2g daily Cellcept.  My joints have been extremely inflamed so I will see a Rheumatologist this Friday to start treatment from that end of the disease. Yes, I am angry.  Fucking pissed off.  But....I know how this kind of anger brings issues with this disease.  So I force myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and just fucking deal.  I learned the hard way last year how un-managed stress and anger can aggravate my symptoms in a truly viscous way. I'm still fighting hard.  That wont stop.  I know that there is a valid and solid reason not yet seen why I am experiencing all these symptom and issues. Perhaps my ultim...

you may feel you dont have much right now....but you have something special. think.  there's something that means everything to you. so why not give it your everything? was there a goal you had big hopes for achieving? regardless of what happened in the far or recent past...if you wanted it to happen, you would have made it happen. if it didn't happen - then why didn't it?  did you give up?  why didn't you allow yourself to succeed? regardless, are you still pushing forward?  and by pushing i mean PUSHING.  throw your weight into it and over take what you're after.  who gives a fuck what anyone else says about that thing that means the world to YOU. it doesn't mean the same to anyone else.  you have your reasons.  besides, why do you need reasons?  they're excuses in disguise.  make no excuses to anyone.  and most importantly, do not make excuses to yourself.  youre all you have.

for a while i had an issue with indigestion while training if my pre-workout meal consisted of anything other than whey and oats.  Even my oats and whey was a gamble some days. what i have found truly helps me to avoid that "lump in the throat" or "rock in the stomach" feeling while training is consuming a small cup of green or black tea with my pre-workout meal. it really has helped my digestion all around, and i make it a point to have tea and plenty of H2O with every meal. ....no more feeling like im gonna lose my chicken and broccoli during squats....

as hard as I worked last week was as hard as I didn't  work this weekend. but i freaked out this morning.  no lie - my mood flipped and i just threw my hands up as i was prepping my meals and i cried my eyes out. i just felt overwhelmed about so much - there really are no problems, there is just this moment, right?  what happens when this moment is consumed prepping for the next.  what happens when you spend so much time prepping and planning that youre unable to just BE?  that thought hit me like bricks as I was monitoring the ticking clock and trying to cut up 10 servings of chicken and make my breakfast at the same time.... im just being a big baby.  a big whiny baby. and i didnt work out on friday or saturday.  im SO tired.  im PMSing big time.  im talking myself into being in a better mood today. on the BRIGHT side, i have a new meal plan that is making me feel more organized about my calorie intake and macros.  gdamn i o...