I posted a blog a while back about my episodes and two year darkness living with an eating disorder - bulimia.
I ended up deleting that post just a few days later feeling too "exposed" - it was graphic. Perhaps one day I'll post about it again, but that's the past regardless.
The future and present is full of health.
My mind wrestles me now and again in regard to my eating habits because of what I did to myself in the past. I was hard on myself and put unnecessary pressure on myself to be trim to the point of hurting myself to ensure that the weight didnt stick. After competing, I no longer knew how to eat "normally." I wanted to do a competition prep diet all the time because my results were so fast but I also didnt know how to enjoy a meal that wasnt part of the prep diet. And that threw me into the emotional loop that held me tight for too long.
How do I feel today? I know that if I adhered closely to a nutritional plan, then my results in the gym would be faster. But, what happens when there are events and food that is not on the "plan" and what do I eat when I am not training for competition? What happens if I finish the whole jar of peanut butter?? Why am I finishing it in the first place? And what if I don't do that 5am cardio session to negate a meal? What if I want to have a beer on a Saturday night? Why do I make myself feel like I "can't have it?"
My personal and official food-filosophy/food mantra after disorderly eating:
I love eating healthy and clean food. I love the way my body performs and feels when I consume colorful greens, fruits and lean proteins such as greek yogurt, tuna chicken and beef. Nuts and oils such as olive oil and coconut oil make my skin glow and my hair shine. Salty foods are alright occasionally and I am always sure to consume at least a gallon of water a day. No food is classified as "bad" rather, looked upon as a "maybe occasionally" food. Most of the time when I crave these foods I think of how much better I feel not having them and instead eat nuts and fruit. I do not count my calories and instead stick to low calorie foods in moderation, making certain to take in a good amount of protein daily to encourage muscle repair. Preparing meals in advance truly helps me to save both time and money during the day and ensures that I know exactly what I am eating and how it was prepared. I enjoy the food I eat and enjoy eating often. My body responds favorably to my preferred eating habits and my mind is peaceful.
I don't pretend to be a guru or a hardcore fitness buff. I still work so hard to achieve a particular level of fitness and depending on where I am in my life, I may adjust or rearrange a few things nutritionally to reach specific goals. Nothing is set in stone. Everything is changeable. I am entirely changeable and I am having fun really learning the process of changing again.
Above all things I desire optimal health - that includes mental health, too.
I ended up deleting that post just a few days later feeling too "exposed" - it was graphic. Perhaps one day I'll post about it again, but that's the past regardless.
The future and present is full of health.
My mind wrestles me now and again in regard to my eating habits because of what I did to myself in the past. I was hard on myself and put unnecessary pressure on myself to be trim to the point of hurting myself to ensure that the weight didnt stick. After competing, I no longer knew how to eat "normally." I wanted to do a competition prep diet all the time because my results were so fast but I also didnt know how to enjoy a meal that wasnt part of the prep diet. And that threw me into the emotional loop that held me tight for too long.
How do I feel today? I know that if I adhered closely to a nutritional plan, then my results in the gym would be faster. But, what happens when there are events and food that is not on the "plan" and what do I eat when I am not training for competition? What happens if I finish the whole jar of peanut butter?? Why am I finishing it in the first place? And what if I don't do that 5am cardio session to negate a meal? What if I want to have a beer on a Saturday night? Why do I make myself feel like I "can't have it?"
My personal and official food-filosophy/food mantra after disorderly eating:
I love eating healthy and clean food. I love the way my body performs and feels when I consume colorful greens, fruits and lean proteins such as greek yogurt, tuna chicken and beef. Nuts and oils such as olive oil and coconut oil make my skin glow and my hair shine. Salty foods are alright occasionally and I am always sure to consume at least a gallon of water a day. No food is classified as "bad" rather, looked upon as a "maybe occasionally" food. Most of the time when I crave these foods I think of how much better I feel not having them and instead eat nuts and fruit. I do not count my calories and instead stick to low calorie foods in moderation, making certain to take in a good amount of protein daily to encourage muscle repair. Preparing meals in advance truly helps me to save both time and money during the day and ensures that I know exactly what I am eating and how it was prepared. I enjoy the food I eat and enjoy eating often. My body responds favorably to my preferred eating habits and my mind is peaceful.
I don't pretend to be a guru or a hardcore fitness buff. I still work so hard to achieve a particular level of fitness and depending on where I am in my life, I may adjust or rearrange a few things nutritionally to reach specific goals. Nothing is set in stone. Everything is changeable. I am entirely changeable and I am having fun really learning the process of changing again.
Above all things I desire optimal health - that includes mental health, too.