this, my darkened path i stroll
looking down into the brush, with its edges that feather dust my ankles
searching with strain until i flicker a glance at a glimmering edge
of the path and know it's really there
i cant be concerned with what's ahead
it only scares the shit out of me
it's like i may negate for myself,
a place to step if i dont look down
and my feet and soul may fall deep into the river
some river
i dont know
any river
a lake
an ocean
i dont know
an abyss
or an abysmal fate that will come as quickly as my panic to correct my unfortunate misstep
but if i mis-stepped, i'd live with this misstep
my sickness and pleas to reverse it
would be in vain
i'd plunge into something that doesnt
smell
look
taste
feel
like anything ive ever smelled, seen, tasted and touched before
it scares the shit out of me
im head rushed into thinking about all the "what-ifs"
rising and falling in me, my guts
raining like glitter into cob webbed emotional caverns and crevices
stuck and plucked out by blood sucking venomous beasts
god, dammit, it's so scary
i think that i'd want to hide the rest of myself from further decline
how could i have been so blind
to make such a mistake?
this crippling fear of making this misstep makes my brain skip a beat
like a synapse that failed for a microsecond
awaking me immersed in my heart pounding
pupil dilated, heavy breathing, sweating and scheming
"about what could be," state
and feeling the last drops of lifeblood in my guts sucked out and squeezed, i cry
and through my tears it's made clear....
as each bullet hits the ground it reflects the shimmer,
actually, it's that same glimmering edge that flickered for my glance
and this path is just as dark as it was before
i've been here, i know
down this darkened path i can continue to stroll
my knees and palms scraped from the landing as i fell from the sky
i hobble up hearing gravel beads clink the ground
from dropping off my palms and knees
phew! i can walk on
ill be more careful this time
i know what to do
i know....because many times, ive been here before
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looking down into the brush, with its edges that feather dust my ankles
searching with strain until i flicker a glance at a glimmering edge
of the path and know it's really there
i cant be concerned with what's ahead
it only scares the shit out of me
it's like i may negate for myself,
a place to step if i dont look down
and my feet and soul may fall deep into the river
some river
i dont know
any river
a lake
an ocean
i dont know
an abyss
or an abysmal fate that will come as quickly as my panic to correct my unfortunate misstep
but if i mis-stepped, i'd live with this misstep
my sickness and pleas to reverse it
would be in vain
i'd plunge into something that doesnt
smell
look
taste
feel
like anything ive ever smelled, seen, tasted and touched before
it scares the shit out of me
im head rushed into thinking about all the "what-ifs"
rising and falling in me, my guts
raining like glitter into cob webbed emotional caverns and crevices
stuck and plucked out by blood sucking venomous beasts
god, dammit, it's so scary
i think that i'd want to hide the rest of myself from further decline
how could i have been so blind
to make such a mistake?
this crippling fear of making this misstep makes my brain skip a beat
like a synapse that failed for a microsecond
awaking me immersed in my heart pounding
pupil dilated, heavy breathing, sweating and scheming
"about what could be," state
and feeling the last drops of lifeblood in my guts sucked out and squeezed, i cry
and through my tears it's made clear....
as each bullet hits the ground it reflects the shimmer,
actually, it's that same glimmering edge that flickered for my glance
and this path is just as dark as it was before
i've been here, i know
down this darkened path i can continue to stroll
my knees and palms scraped from the landing as i fell from the sky
i hobble up hearing gravel beads clink the ground
from dropping off my palms and knees
phew! i can walk on
ill be more careful this time
i know what to do
i know....because many times, ive been here before
Mein Gott, acrylic on canvas 2014 (unfinished piece) - Shani Ariel