do you ever sit back and compare yourself to others based on what they post online?
well....if you do/have....then stop it.
things are not always what they seem. and in fact, more often than not, things are never what they seem.
sometimes I really dislike the online world because it's like being bombarded with advertising on a more personal level - people advertising themselves and their lives. It's like you are picking and choosing what pieces of your life you wish for others to see and be part of. and then you really only seem to post when you're in certain types of moods.
maybe you post song lyrics when you're sad....or angry. "this person must be so deep and thoughtful....or so wounded and emotional. i want to feel what she feels"
maybe you post motivational quotes when you're happy and inspired. "this person is so inspiring and just perfect....she never strays or loses focus of her goal.....i could never be that strong"
maybe you only post when you're griping. "this person is a bitch and seems to have problems with everyone and everything.....i think im going to stay away from her"
too many times we try to change other peoples' minds about who we think we are. perhaps the prominence of our online lives has altered who we are in reality. it's like we're each living as the star of our own world...and only expecting that we're interesting enough for everyone else to want to watch our show.
but really....no one cares. no one gives a shit. if i could find the remote id change the channel. id turn the TV off.
i even think of that when i post something. and every time i post something, i wonder if it will add value to someone else or even to me. and it usually doesnt....it's usually me just desiring an outlet for expression and organization of the thoughts that run through my brain. and it actually feels really good.
i even think of that when i post something. and every time i post something, i wonder if it will add value to someone else or even to me. and it usually doesnt....it's usually me just desiring an outlet for expression and organization of the thoughts that run through my brain. and it actually feels really good.
i dont care if i am too open, and really dont even care if no one ever reads what i write. it just feels good to write it.
an old friend said to me the other day in regard to her and i suddenly losing touch (my fault), 'i could tell from your posts that you were so happy. and it just reminded me of how you were ignoring me.'
the funny thing was, at this time in my life i was posting all these happy moments, i was the saddest and most depressed i had ever been. and yes, i ignored EVERYONE. my family even thought I was missing.
all 2010 through early 2011 i went through some of the biggest obstacles of my life. my eyesight was clouded and i had to file for disability insurance, i was almost out of money and unable to work because of the visual impairment, my pretty 335i was repo'ed, i lived in an attached apartment with a horrible party-boy landlord and never slept, i gained nearly 45lbs after my first competition, i threw away a sponsorship with ON/ABB because I lost my heart for fitness, working for NYSC was a complete nightmare, and i ended up medicated on drugs for my eyesight that had me talking about crazy shit and wanting to hurt myself.
it's overwhelming when I think about all the shit I went through and to think about the fact that I sit here, feeling good and feeling happy about where I am today. i stopped the meds and took responsibility again for the events in my life. i was appalled at how i was making excuses to myself about why my life was the way it was. self pity was chipping me down. it took a while to build myself back up.
it really made me think about how i was intentionally coloring my world to be bright and happy during those times. i was addicted to positive feedback yet the comments and messages from others who were inspired by me made me feel fraudulent. i usually didnt have the heart (or the eyesight) to respond....it was too hard and i felt like i was letting everyone down. i didnt realize i was only letting myself down. so i dropped off the online world for a while. i couldnt keep up these phony appearances. it just made me feel like more of a failure in the real world - i just couldnt be who i portrayed myself to be.
and i dont really know what my point for posting this was. my old friend's comment just really made me think deeply about how often we put our blurbs into the world in an attempt to leave a footprint that looks the way we want it to. and when we finally call ourselves out for not being real, the emotional consequences can leave some pretty deep and irreparable scars.
is it an act of vanity? a thirst for control? .boredom?
all of the above.....?
Before you judge others or claim any absolute truth, consider that…
… you can see less that 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum and hear less than 1% of the acoustic spectrum. As you read this, you are traveling at 220 kilometers per second across the galaxy. 90% of the cells in your body carry their own microbial DNA and are not “you”. The atoms in your body are 99.9999999999999999% empty space and none of them are the ones you were born with, but they all originated in the belly of a star. Human beings have 46 chromosomes, 2 less than the common potato. The existence of the rainbow depends on the conical photoreceptors in your eyes; to animals without cones, the rainbow does not exist. So you don’t just look at a rainbow, you create it. This is pretty amazing, especially considering that all the beautiful colours you see represent less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum.