Sometimes when I am in the gym I feel like a monster. This gargantuan creature that was left behind when her race was wiped out - spared - and forced to live among the mortal forms that gawk and remind her of how different she is.
I wish there were more women lifters in my gym. And when I see them, they usually only have max ten pound dumbbells per hand or are with their boyfriend just following. I often feel like an odd one out which makes me only want to hide in the space between my ears....sharing that space only with good music.
So I do.
So I do.
I only feel like that because I tend to be really angry and irritable when I workout and do enjoy lifting really heavy weight. It makes me feel like a monster - different and unfamiliar to others. In daily life, maybe I'm just a bunny....I love carrots, am scared of my own shadow sometimes and am really small and cuddly.
And in the gym, I'm pumped up and ready to let out anything I hang on to - ready to explode out all that holds me back.
Having been through some shit, I choose to channel my aggression when I am in the gym, and strive to achieve peak physical fitness in this lifetime. This sport was made for me.
So I am determined to make the most of my time. I don't LOVE being there but I do love how my body looks, feels and performs when I am there consistently. And that payoff far outweighs the annoyance or inconvenience of getting to the gym. It's such a second nature thing - tattooed inside of me. It definitely took a while to get to that point, but I just knew that if I stuck to a routine, I would get to the point where fitness became part of who I am.
And factoring in nutrition, my body morphed rapidly. Almost like magic things rose up and tightened. My mind sharpened and my confidence soared - it was a complete mind, body and soul transformation.
I guess I am one of the few who stuck through and saw it to the end. And when I took that away from myself, I knew a part of me died. It's taken a while to bring that part of me back to life. Even during the height of my sickness when I stopped, I knew how badly I needed this and agonized over its consistent return to my life.
If someone says to me today that they hate working out, it's hard for me to understand because I know how much stronger I am as a person for having this as part of my life.
"Does this person not want to be better?" is my thought process. I just don't have much tolerance for excuses which is a big reason why I did not enjoy being a personal trainer. I'm not there to battle your mind's limits or to make you change YOUR mind about yourself. But I will share how I got over myself.
The only one who will know if I've been doing everything I can do is ME. Am I doing everything? I ask myself that question every day and the more days I can consistently answer YES the stronger I am.
Monsters are strong. They dont always have to be bad....or ugly. I guess it really isn't so bad being a monster.
And in the gym, I'm pumped up and ready to let out anything I hang on to - ready to explode out all that holds me back.
Having been through some shit, I choose to channel my aggression when I am in the gym, and strive to achieve peak physical fitness in this lifetime. This sport was made for me.
So I am determined to make the most of my time. I don't LOVE being there but I do love how my body looks, feels and performs when I am there consistently. And that payoff far outweighs the annoyance or inconvenience of getting to the gym. It's such a second nature thing - tattooed inside of me. It definitely took a while to get to that point, but I just knew that if I stuck to a routine, I would get to the point where fitness became part of who I am.
And factoring in nutrition, my body morphed rapidly. Almost like magic things rose up and tightened. My mind sharpened and my confidence soared - it was a complete mind, body and soul transformation.
I guess I am one of the few who stuck through and saw it to the end. And when I took that away from myself, I knew a part of me died. It's taken a while to bring that part of me back to life. Even during the height of my sickness when I stopped, I knew how badly I needed this and agonized over its consistent return to my life.
If someone says to me today that they hate working out, it's hard for me to understand because I know how much stronger I am as a person for having this as part of my life.
"Does this person not want to be better?" is my thought process. I just don't have much tolerance for excuses which is a big reason why I did not enjoy being a personal trainer. I'm not there to battle your mind's limits or to make you change YOUR mind about yourself. But I will share how I got over myself.
The only one who will know if I've been doing everything I can do is ME. Am I doing everything? I ask myself that question every day and the more days I can consistently answer YES the stronger I am.
Monsters are strong. They dont always have to be bad....or ugly. I guess it really isn't so bad being a monster.