Healthy with Shani

my brain feels mushy right now and Im so sleepy..... I am really OK with the idea of needing caffeine on an almost daily basis.  Im going to write this before my mood is altered and enhanced by a Peach Mango speed stack.... I cancelled my acupuncture appt today.  I've been to this guy four times now (today wouldve been five) and while most of my knee pain is gone, my eyes are consistently fogged over.  He doesnt seem to understand what it is I am going through (at least he doesnt make me feel that way) and when I tell him I am still severely foggy, he says "did you do your eye massages....and sleep 8 hours and avoid spicy foods etc etc" yes yesyesysey esy esyse syrsrrughuhgabfdgh It's annoying.  Im also comparing everyone to the acupuncturist I had in FL - Thomas Bailey - who is still by far the best I've ever been to.  I cannot seem to find a worthy 'puncturist in NYC.  I think I may need to venture into alleyways around Chinatown to find hope. 80 b...

my tut.com "note from the universe" For all things and non-things that you may ever want, Shani, understand that sometimes the fastest way to get them is to forget them, and to focus instead on just being the most amazing human being you can be.  At which point, all of your heart's desires, spoken or unspoken, will be drawn to you more powerfully than a magnet is drawn to steel.

Sometimes when I am in the gym I feel like a monster. This gargantuan creature that was left behind when her race was wiped out - spared - and forced to live among the mortal forms that gawk and remind her of how different she is. I wish there were more women lifters in my gym. And when I see them, they usually only have max ten pound dumbbells per hand or are with their boyfriend just following. I often feel like an odd one out which makes me only want to hide in the space between my ears....sharing that space only with good music. So I do. I only feel like that because I tend to be really angry and irritable when I workout and do enjoy lifting really heavy weight. It makes me feel like a monster - different and unfamiliar to others. In daily life, maybe I'm just a bunny....I love carrots, am scared of my own shadow sometimes and am really small and cuddly. And in the gym, I'm pumped up and ready to let out anything I hang on to - ready to explode out all that hold...

I did NOT wanna workout yesterday. It was to-the-last-second-whimpering-and-whining kinda not wanting to go. I was just tired. but I did. I ran to a deli across the street, grabbed the only acceptable energy drink they had in their cooler, swallowed it in one gulp and watlzed to NYSC 91st and 3rd - my new favorite spot to do legs (shh dont tell anyone). I like to workout my legs when I know I abused my body with food or alcohol in previous days. I met up Friday night with an old friend and spent hours catching up - my heart burst with love and spirits were high....and overflowing....and tasted of citrus and mint and tequila and whatever the hell is in the Pegu Club at Weatherup. Siiiigh I friggin love cocktails. But really....if youre reading this - I LOVE YOU!! And I'm grateful <3. Then Saturday night was one turned two to three to maybe four? This weekend was a wash. Ugh. So Sunday (yes, I was sick to death on Saturday) I decided to burn up my legs. I almos...

I noticed that when I run I have a tendency to run with my head down....gazing the ground. Part of me doesn't wanna know how close the next "checkpoint" is. That, and I am afraid of a misstep and smashing my face on the pavement.  But I wear a ball cap when I run - I know from experience that the lid can save your life....and your teeth. But this morning as I ran and fumbled with my damn headphones again, I picked my head up and fixed my gaze forward. Each checkpoint seemed to approach faster and made me mindful of my pace as well as gave me a goal to focus on. Running the sauna, I mean Ocean Parkway, seemed a little more enjoyable this morning. Of course it helps that it's now bright as noon at 5.30am. It made me wanna keep my head up and enjoy the view.

I wrote this out the other day as my attack plan. Or, nice plan. Or, pretty words to look at and feel like I'm accomplishing something. I've spent twelve years dealing with Chronic Uveitis/Anterior Iritis and now have a Macular Hole and Cataracts as a result of the damage from both the disease and drugs used to control inflammation. The funny thing about writing all this out, is that for the first time in a long time I feel like there is BIG hope again. Not just hope that my inflammation will disappear - I'm positive it eventually will - but big hope that it will be gone without further damaging my eyes and vision, and that I can restore what was taken from this disease. And, I share because I enjoy sharing everything.  It's very personal to me, but it's what I "see" daily. Steps to vision Step 1 - Clear/control inflammation Naturally: Acupuncture weekly, supplements (Curcumin, eye health vitamins, antioxidants and green juices) Destressing - avo...

This father's day I should probably thank you. Thank you for teaching me how to be strong in the face of adversity. Thank you for teaching me what it means to truly be loved. And I'll never let go of the ones who truly do love me. Thank you for helping me know what I should expect or tolerate from a partner....whether that be friendships, working relationships or what I should look for in a husband. Thank you for making me resilient. It's because of you that I know how to get back up after repeatedly being knocked down. You left me no choice but to learn how to do that. I do it well. Thank you for helping me to learn what a true support system consists of. I can tell you that financial support is not the most fulfilling way to be supported when you're in pain. For all the times I thought that things couldn't get much worse - and then you made things worse - thank you. You helped me become the person that I am today, and while it hurts sometimes I...

Yayayay today is that TIME again and I'm so happy because these past 2 weeks I've been super emo and sluggish resulting in half hearted to no hearted gym sessions. Ive also wanted to punch everyone in the face. Especially at NYSC. Why are MOST of the trainers there such pompous assholesl!!?? (there are two nice ones - Rodney and John) Theyre rude, out of shape, give me dirty looks are inconsiderate and occupy 78% of an already crowded gym for "PT space." I pay membership - fuck you, your pseudo official space and your printed tshirt - I've got about five of those at home. Anyway. It's a sore spot and really affects my workouts. I'm working on "solitary mental fortitude." Yeah I SAID I'm WORKING on it >:|. Nutrition habits had been non habitual and more "eat anything I want, whenever because I'm always hungry." Thank goooodododod. Today I celebrated this grand arrival by hopping onto the stair master with a ...

A lil "voice in my head" told me to at least do soooomething. So I grabbed a 25lb plate and trudged over to the stair master. I killed 11 minutes of myself and then pushed through 9 more minus the plate. I felt good but it took everything out of me...except my life. I didn't die. Almost did. But didn't. I guess it was good to do something. But today I'm reducing caffeine, increasing water, reducing sodium an takin the day off from the gym. I'm at acupuncture now and hoping to feel stabilized and see more clearly after getting poked.

Are you kidding me? At this moment, I'm in the gym and should be working shoulders, abs and then doing cardio. I. Don't. Want to!!!!! I just don't. And right now it's so hard to get motivated. I've been overdoing caffeine during the day for the past two weeks at work and feel SO drained...SO hungry....SO chubby and SO tired :(. By the time I get to the gym, my mind and my body just wants to stop. I think I need a few days off.

im re-doing my budget today.  it just really sucks to never feel like you have a firm grasp on your finances. That is one area I am extremely weak in.  and living in this city confuses me about how to pad my savings.  if something were to happen tomorrow, id live in a hole. i guess that drives me to think on my toes and make something happen - like, not get another job or ask my employer for a raise, but to do something permanent - like put something into the world that generates independent wealth.  that drives me, as does the vision that teeters from day to day. my vision is a lil blurry today. just like i knew i wouldnt be fat for the rest of my life....i know i wont be blind and i know i wont be broke for the rest of my life, either. i am choosing NOT to be.

may you fully realize your dreams in order to allow them all to come true... ~*~ What begins a dream or a desire? Is it the quest for money, fame or fortune? The driving force of my dreams comes from the passion for independence. I've always had quite the independent spirit and I would love nothing more than to depend on my own talents and abilities to get me to the top. And in what I do, I want to be the best. So why do I try to excel in areas that are "safe"? I've always excelled in jobs - my 9-5s and I'm well past the point where I've realized that my excelling was a benefit only to my employer, and in the long run not so much to me. Thus beginning the birth of a desire...the desire to break free of the normal routine that has shaped the lives of so many people; break free of the routine that keeps many people complacent with their lives. Complacency has many consequences which the complacent person may fail to see because my theory is that their ...

Moving SUCKS! Combine moving with Rheumatic Disease and moving is agonizingly painful. Ugh I really don't remember this process hurting this badly. I'm sick of going at this alone....and sick of this sickness. "Sick and tired of being sick and tired." Who still says that? Well, stop it - it sounds stupid and its cleverness/originality is long gone (it's usually said by network marketers who convey the feeling of "firing your boss"). I intend not to offend anyone...I've only heard those same cliche phrases my entire life. I'm so excited to be moving to Brooklyn.....(*#&$(*&#$^^ fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally!!! I tried so hard to make Staten Island my home but it nearly broke me in more ways than one. When the time came that I gathered enough sanity to move from my cute little side apartment attached to disco-tequer's after party super-techno lair, I decided that Rob and I were in a place to live together. Psh. Note to self: If he's never...

Written Aug 20, 2011 I won't accept being 29 and losing my eyesight and I won't accept that my 11 year battle with Chronic Uveitis will end my vision of the world as only I can see it. So I fight it everyday. And mold my day to win this battle; and strategize and plot my next moves so I can claim victory. It's not easy and it can feel so lonely and so dark but it's what I must do. And I'm spending my Saturday night alone in the ER - again. But it's what I must do. And each painful step places me closer to the end of this. I'm just grateful for medical care - and my doctors at NY Eye and Ear. And just like any adversity in life we can accept the perceived outcome or vow change. We have to accept full responsibility for our thoughts and actions because without a tightly mended fabric within we'll unravel - and completely fall apart. And a weak soldier on the battlefield is almost a guaranteed loss. So hold your head high and keep your mind right ...

...if you want to WIN, you must be able to think on your toes and develop a solid strategy.  And that strategy is usually based on past mistakes and failures. That's why it's OK to fail.  Because it'll teach you something you didn't know before. every once in a while i like laying out my nutrition plan.  i have various "spots" around the world wide web in which I have shared my plan and have looked back to note how it tends to change based upon what stage in my life I am in and based on what Ive learned about my body. and with that, I must note I am NOOOOT an expert....I know how my body feels on certain foods and I know what I should and should not eat to control my inflammation.  Am I perfect 100% of the time?  Hell no.  Am I pretty good at keeping my routine?  Yes.  Am I still learning about how to eat for optimal health?  Absolutely. Of course, I could go Vegan to eat for optimal health and consume strictly organic and go off the ...

i had the most garbagey workout ever yesterday.  it's been a while since ive said that and at first, admitting to yourself that you made the mental decision that your body is physically unable to perform the work is tough. but i think my pms combined with my am spike shooter consumption mixed with my irritable mood and apathy had me waltzing into the gym saying "eh do i wanna work shoulders and abs or do plyos? should i do plyos since my legs are so effin sore from sunday?  hmmmm..."  i had no plan.... so i decided shoulders and abs shoulder circuit: standing with 10lb dumbbells in each hand - (all sets performed with 10 reps) shoulder press alternating front lateral raise bent over rear delt raise alternating side lateral raise palms-facing shoulder press rest 30 seconds. repeat circuit.....5 times. my shoulders burn today but it was half assed in my mind. well, compared to the volume of work i enjoy doing.  i just wasnt feeling "it" yesterda...

I love simplyshredded.com and love that they conduct interviews with some top fitness physiques.  Here, they outline their training philosophies and briefly outline their nutrition and training routines.  I thought I read them all and realized I hadn't read Kim Dolan Leto's: http://www.simplyshredded.com/fitness-model-pro-athlete-kim-dolan-leto-talks-with-simplyshredded-com.html I find her physique to be incredible, looks to be stunning, and words to be surprisingly relatable to how I am feeling right now. " You cannot buy good health you choose it, daily with every bite of food and every workout, it is all your choice." - KDL

I have a goal of doing the Brooklyn Grand Prix show in October...NPC Bikini. Cmoooon let's face it!! I miss being tanned with hair and makeup and clear heels and showing off my blood sweat and tears in a sparkly bikini on stage in front of hundreds of people. Tonight I made SURE to keep my cardio rough and intense but also decided that it needed to be rougher and intense-errr than everrr. I worked back and bi's and honestly lacked a lot of that energy necessary to push through a really good session. I got done as best as I could but I decided midway that if the rest of my workout were to be worthwhile, I needed to recharge. After weights, I ran down To the locker room and downed half a serving of Hydrowhey, ate a small piece of white bread for carbs/sugar chugged some cold H2O and took one OxyElite Pro. I started at a moderately fast pace on the stairs with 8lb dumbells on each shoulder for 11 minutes, then 15 minutes of intervals - all out max intensity (minus th...

i must announce, squats are amazing.  the results of some serious form-driven perfectionist style squats have been the best thing my ass has ever been handed. and deadlifts are gifts from the angels of booty heaven.  i imagine what my booty would look like if i had squatted and deadlifted when i began working out three years ago.  the important thing is, is that i did finally decide to focus effort and patience on getting those two exercises correct.  so i can look forward to what it's going to look like in three years from now. front squats, regular squat, overhead squat, jumping squat, sumo squats.... stiff legged deadlift, sumo deadlift.... i urge anyone who is not doing squats or deads but desiring a shelf, to rethink your routine and get to steppin!  or squatting.... ps - want rock hard abs?  please see above.

do you ever sit back and compare yourself to others based on what they post online? well....if you do/have....then stop it. things are not always what they seem.  and in fact, more often than not, things are never what they seem. sometimes I really dislike the online world because it's like being bombarded with advertising on a more personal level - people advertising themselves and their lives.  It's like you are picking and choosing what pieces of your life you wish for others to see and be part of.  and then you really only seem to post when you're in certain types of moods. maybe you post song lyrics when you're sad....or angry.  "this person must be so deep and thoughtful....or so wounded and emotional.  i want to feel what she feels" maybe you post motivational quotes when you're happy and inspired.  "this person is so inspiring and just perfect....she never strays or loses focus of her goal.....i could never be that strong" maybe yo...