I just got back home to BK from being in Orlando for five days of prep and commencement of my mom's 50th surprise bday. It was awesome. She was floored and didnt expect any of it....and it was nice to have everyone together. As exhausting as the process was, trying to coordinate that many people leading up to the event, my sis heather and I pulled it off without a hitch. Well....without a hitch that mom could see.
My mind was super heavy all week, too. I've had so much on my mind I feel like a scramble of anything and everything that one person could think of. I am thinking about relationships.....fitness....business....work....money....friendships.....family issues.... Sometimes in that order. Sometimes not.
My stomach feels really heavy and anxious right now. I actually want to go workout. I just feel sick. And whenever I feel this way it's usually my intuition telling me that something big is going to change. As flexible and resilient as I am, I do fear change. I wont lie. I dont want my bubble to look different and I am terrified of being stuck in the trees or that someone's going to come along with a really sharp needle. But I also know that these big and nauseating changes bring bigger and better things - always.
And that's another thing. Being with family made me realize how much of a bubble I live in....NYC. I often find myself detached from the world around me. So detached, that I may have been reckless with someone's heart recently. And yes, that weighs heavy on my mind.
I never meant to hurt you. I thought I needed what we had. I really did want it, but it wasn't what was best for me. I really never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry.
I dont even know how to put into typeface the way I feel right now and it just makes me want to focus more than ever on the things in this world that I can control.....my attitude and my fitness.
So until the pieces fall where they need to fall (or scatter) I will focus hardcore on being the strongest and best ME I can be.
I think today I will go and buy myself some new running shoes. Unless that symbolizes how I tend to run from my problems? Yikes. I feel sick again.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
Reminding myself again.....There are no problems....there is only this moment.
My mind was super heavy all week, too. I've had so much on my mind I feel like a scramble of anything and everything that one person could think of. I am thinking about relationships.....fitness....business....work....money....friendships.....family issues.... Sometimes in that order. Sometimes not.
My stomach feels really heavy and anxious right now. I actually want to go workout. I just feel sick. And whenever I feel this way it's usually my intuition telling me that something big is going to change. As flexible and resilient as I am, I do fear change. I wont lie. I dont want my bubble to look different and I am terrified of being stuck in the trees or that someone's going to come along with a really sharp needle. But I also know that these big and nauseating changes bring bigger and better things - always.
And that's another thing. Being with family made me realize how much of a bubble I live in....NYC. I often find myself detached from the world around me. So detached, that I may have been reckless with someone's heart recently. And yes, that weighs heavy on my mind.
I never meant to hurt you. I thought I needed what we had. I really did want it, but it wasn't what was best for me. I really never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry.
I dont even know how to put into typeface the way I feel right now and it just makes me want to focus more than ever on the things in this world that I can control.....my attitude and my fitness.
So until the pieces fall where they need to fall (or scatter) I will focus hardcore on being the strongest and best ME I can be.
I think today I will go and buy myself some new running shoes. Unless that symbolizes how I tend to run from my problems? Yikes. I feel sick again.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
Reminding myself again.....There are no problems....there is only this moment.