Healthy with Shani

i just ate a giant salad of every veggie imaginable.... with some grilled chicken. and it's 5pm on a tuesday after a long weekend. It is also 100 degrees outside and I am feeling faint from this heat.  Faint and fuzzy.  I just downed some Green Tea and a probiotic.  and my legs are twitching because my energy is in overdrive.  sometimes i am astounded at how much energy I have.  it could be the city buzz-i-ness or my downright neurotic and obsessive tendencies. or the city could be the cause of my obsessive and neurotic tendencies.  i love it. Im working chest tonight but I want to do legs.  I ALWAYS want to work legs....Im obsessed with my legs and their strength and development.  But I will do heavy chest, some KB throws because theyre FUN and then do 20 minutes on my stairs.  And then I will proceed home and flat iron all the sweat our of my hair so I can preserve the Keratin treatment that i just got this afternoon.  I kn...

(for cass) Like a brick through my heart, I woke up with a gasp and started crying.  It hit me too suddenly that you were hurting.  And through your hurt, my own kept me from being there for you. But I couldn't ignore or push away this feeling anymore and it quickly became hard to breathe through the surge of emotion. So I jumped out of bed to do the only thing I could do when I feel helpless.   Powerless.  I blew my nose and dried my eyes, dressed, laced up my sneakers and looked out the window at the dreary gray that colored my path.  The sky cried for you, too.  These tears were hard to decipher - are they sadness or joy?  Are they pain?  Hope? All I know is that I have to run.  And I have to run to you.  Not for you.  To you.  I need you more than you know and your presence in my life is a gift.  I only fear never having the chance to whisper that in your ear.  That thought shakes and sa...

Originally written sept 7th 2010 Yesterday I picked up a paintbrush for the first time in about a year and a half. Well, that was the last step after building my easel, pulling unfinished canvases off my walls, organizing some paint colors and finding out how many bottles of acrylic medium have dried up since they were last used. And then it got me to thinking about all the times I've started a painting and never finished it. Well, never finished it to satisfaction, as a piece is never really "complete." It takes days, sometimes weeks or months to complete a painting. Some of the greatest have taken years and even more will never be finished before the artist passes on. There are times when the work may look sloppy to an untrained eye and someone thinks "Why that color! That looks terrible - you just ruined it!" And for this reason, I prefer to paint in solitude. I don't feel that explaining the process is necessary as the viewer will develop their ow...

when it rains in new york in the summer, it's like all the street grime, pothole mystery exhaust, rat dander and toxic rain molecules mix to form a pungent and warm stew that mists your skin, seeps into your pores and disperses into your blood stream, ending up in your brain resulting in a less than pleasant mood. i really dislike the rain in the city.  i hope i conveyed that. and when it rains here it stays....not like in Florida where it will be gorgeous and sunny one second and torrential and disastrous the next.....only to be amazing three seconds later. actually - i speak a bit too soon.  as of right now, the sun is out.  that was unexpected.  i like when that happens. this morning I did 20 minutes on the stairmaster at the gym.  I have to make sure i hop out of bed at 5.01am and am out of my house by 5.22 in order to grab the train that comes around 5.33am to get to the gym by 5.38am.  I am out of the gym by 6.03 and on the train by 6.12; home...

Is it just me or does it truly feel that when you're going through something (ok, like a breakup) that all the music around you seems to pull your heart because the lyrics speak so clearly to you? Here's what's been speaking to my heart lately... Stateless "Prism" Woke up with a start, your voice in my head last night Now I can't remember a single word Images come back flashing like a broken light Everything has gotten a little blurred Snapped another thread, burned another bridge last night How come I can act like such a fool? I'm chasing it around, feels like an addiction Guess I'll disregard it, make it disappear Everything we said is messing with my head I'm hanging by a thread and it's waning You're just a little scared of being lonely And I am, I am too You're just a little scared of being lonely And I am, I am too Images come back flashing like a broken light And everything has gotten a little blurred It...

blaaaaaaaaaaaaahaha it's been since....hmmm let me figure this out..... wednesday(?)...yeah wednesday of last week since Ive been on a normal gym schedule.  It's actually really hard for me to get my head in the game when I am working out somewhere other than my familiar surroundings.  I went to the gym twice in Florida - once with my sis Brit to Diamond Fitness, and another by myself to RDV (a friggin palace) both in Orlando.  I've worked out at RDV many times before so I was able to get into my workout and had a fantastic leg session.  At Diamond, the surroundings felt odd to me and I half assed shoulders.  So instead, I forced some German Volume Training for deads and got the most out of my time there. But being off my splits made me ancy - SUPER anxious.  And being off my splits or completely NOT being able to get to a gym (for lack of transportation during most of my time in FL) meant I was being a cardio queen.  So today I revamped my tra...

I woke up this morning with the intention of getting some cardio out of the way.  Instead, I reached for my nail polish on my nightstand, touched up my french manicure and laid in bed for about 45 minutes until I decided it was safe to move around. I ran twice on Monday....and sprinted/lunged yesterday....I figured, unless my goal is to completely lose all muscle in my legs, perhaps I need to slow down. It's like that every time I go through a "seasonal" change - and not season like the weather, but season like another one of life's seasons.  I sense the seasons changing.  And when that happens, I am a bundle of energy buzzing and bouncing off the walls without the caffeine.  Relaxing is hard.  I just want to run - I want to paint - I want to be free - I want to inspire - to be inspired - to live and take advantage of all the things that make life great. Where others buckle and fall apart when change occurs, I tend to thrive.  I've always been that wa...

....to workout with a broken heart. That's all. To me, nothing's been a better reminder that I'm still alive than forcing myself, physically and mentally, through an emotional setback. It's during those times that I have experienced the greatest triumph and have discovered what I am truly made of.

I just got back home to BK from being in Orlando for five days of prep and commencement of my mom's 50th surprise bday.  It was awesome.  She was floored and didnt expect any of it....and it was nice to have everyone together.  As exhausting as the process was, trying to coordinate that many people leading up to the event, my sis heather and I pulled it off without a hitch.  Well....without a hitch that mom could see. My mind was super heavy all week, too.  I've had so much on my mind I feel like a scramble of anything and everything that one person could think of.  I am thinking about relationships.....fitness....business....work....money....friendships.....family issues....  Sometimes in that order.  Sometimes not. My stomach feels really heavy and anxious right now.  I actually want to go workout.  I just feel sick.  And whenever I feel this way it's usually my intuition telling me that something big is going to change. ...

Why do I have to fly Over every town up and down the line? I'll die in the clouds above And you that I defend, I do not love I wake up, it's a bad dream No one on my side I was fighting But I just feel too tired To be fighting Guess I'm not the fighting kind Where will I meet my fate? Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate And when will I meet my end? In a better time you could be my friend I wake up, it's a bad dream No one on my side I was fighting But I just feel too tired To be fighting Guess I'm not the fighting kind Wouldn't mind it If you were by my side But you're long gone Yeah you're long gone now Where do we go? I don't even know My strange old face And I'm thinking about those days And I'm thinking about those days I wake up, it's a bad dream No one on my side I was fighting But I just feel too tired To be fighting Guess I'm not the fighting kind Wouldn't mind it If you were by ...

my body feels really boggy today.  and it's because it's that time of the month!!  as of today -_- i always feel really tired on the first day of it and then the next day am back to being an explosion of energy.  it also doesnt help that NYC has been celebrating Drench Fest 2012 this week.  And maybe next.  I hope not - I'm not a rainy weather kinda girl.. I worked back and tris last night and am noticing how much leaner I am getting overall.  It's exciting.  And of course, still dont want to end up with flabby bits when I hit my goal.  I'm questing for the perfect V taper, after all - as well as overall strength.  And bodyweight exercises are easier now that my weight has been decreasing.  There's no point in having a great bod if you dont have basic body weight strength to back it up. I decided that no matter how much I absolutely despise them, I need to incorporate pullups into my back routine.  So for a few weeks now I've ...

For the longest time I suffered terrible knee pain that caused me to over compensate when working legs. I mentioned in a previous entry how slightly bad squatting form exacerbated an already shaky situation. For the past few months of training, I've been determined to go ass to ground on a squat while keeping all other things in check. And while keeping the mechanics in place properly. I had to observe steady patience while I stripped my bar of all weight - and sometimes stripped myself of even the bar - just for the sake of getting things right. My patience has been paying off and every session with the barbell on my back feels incredible - and more powerful than the previous. Squatting tonight felt incredible. I'm nearly on the ground and my quads, glutes and hams feel like rocks - my legs get pumped! it's moments like these that remind me of why I work so hard. And moments like these that make me excited about continuing to willfully make healthy nutritional...

A few areas of my life right now are causing me to think a lot about life and what I really need and want. And a few realizations are causing my heart to ache pretty badly. But in life I've always been unafraid to move toward what's best for me and to make changes where they need to be made. Which is also why my life changes - A LOT. I figure things out by falling again and again. There are a few mistakes I keep repeating and lessons not yet learned. I NEED to learn these lessons or these mistakes will remain recurring themes in my life. One constant remains, however, and that is my passion for my fitness progress. It's what keeps me feeling strong, vibrant, confident with my place in this world and makes me feel powerful. Motivation was SO hard today, but I made it in for heavy shoulders and bi's and 30 minutes cardio. My mental state the first 20 minutes of training was that of resistance, but the serotonin started flowing and I made the decision to make...

Today there was a birthday in the office.  People here are very supportive of me in my fitness endeavors and nutritional habits, so it doesnt make it too hard to keep my diet right while I am at work.  Of course, there's the occasional group lunch in which I always opt for Chinese - steamed chicken and broccoli with no sauce - and everyone agrees with delight.  So we joked today that they'd order me chicken and broccoli cupcake from Sprinkles.   I did grab one - Red Velvet.  I dont feel tortured by it - as it sits untouched beside me.  My stomach is asking for my next meal which will be Greek Yogurt and Apples and Cherries baby food for carbs (leg day).   I am about to go to the kitchen and chop the top off this muffin and package up the rest (of which I already verified macros and nutrition info) to save for post training. But yeah I poked at the cupcake and played with it.  I ripped a tiny edge off and tried it....but it didnt send ...