Healthy with Shani

So, everything happens for a reason? Everything....meaning...everything? And for what reason?  Who decides the reason?  Could the reason change depending on the day....your mood?  Would two people have different reasons? How about....everything happens .  Because, well, it does.  And it did. The saying is flawed...but it's been plucked from the cosmos of information that surrounds us and used endlessly by those seeking comfort in the meaning they have assigned to a situation. Everything is simply everything and reasons keep us embedded in the past - reasons help us avoid the present.  Reasons keep us from practicing gratitude.  Gratitude keeps us present.  In the present lies the power to comfort and soothe our pains...our woes...and even our fluttery desirous hearts that fly away from us when we are full of joy and wonder.  It doesn't always have to have a negative connotation.  It just so often, does.  So instead of clai...

Ending without a beginning. Beginning without an ending. Somehow always ending back up at where you started but not really knowing how you got there. That was kind of how things always were between us. It was like being crushed by overwhelming depression every day.   Some days thinking that it was love. Our story was never truly remarkable. Okay, why would I write about something completely unremarkable? You got me. We were pretty marvelous. We were magic. Do you ever feel lucky when you have the realization that things are not what they seem, early on? Almost as if you were being given a little gift by your creator. It saves your life. Literally saves your life. It saves your time and brain capacity and most of all it saves your heart. It saves your heart from the twisting agony of feeling punched out and saves your pillows from tears. When you find out that he wasnt who you thought he was you feel grateful and angry. I felt mostly angry with myself for not ...

What I have noticed as my mind evolves with age, is that I trip less over things that tangled me up so many times before.  You start to learn when, where and how snags will happen and start to really learn how to shuck and jive to make it out with both feet on the ground. I'm much less oriented with my past accomplishments and who I used to be. My level of empathy for others has increased but I can empathize without losing myself. There are things that I desire from my life and I finally understand how consistent forward steps draw those things closer to me. My vision has been....good....then not good.....then good again.  By May of 2013 I was successfully free of cataracts.  What I didn't acknowledge was how sensitive my body still was to inflammation which ended up quickly bringing on posterior capsule opacification - which is simply a hazing of a membrane that rests behind the lens implant.  The effects are blurred vision, similar to having a cataract whic...

i only stalk prey in the center of night where all that's pulled in was outcast from the light and the rejected matter just builds and expands as the sun sinks down and i glow blue again surrounding all i had is a vision of what i've left because a life lived within's filled me with regret and has pushed me to the center of night my minutes get weaker with every rotation and my mind washes over with vague contemplation of knowing too soon that the day will come fast and there's no way my glory in this night will last surrounding all i had is a vision of what i've left because a life lived within's filled me with regret and has pushed me to the center of night

this, my darkened path i stroll looking down into the brush, with its edges that feather dust my ankles searching with strain until i flicker a glance at a glimmering edge of the path and know it's really there i cant be concerned with what's ahead it only scares the shit out of me it's like i may negate for myself, a place to step if i dont look down and my feet and soul may fall deep into the river some river i dont know any river a lake an ocean i dont know an abyss or an abysmal fate that will come as quickly as my panic to correct my unfortunate misstep but if i mis-stepped, i'd live with this misstep my sickness and pleas to reverse it would be in vain i'd plunge into something that doesnt smell look taste feel like anything ive ever smelled, seen, tasted and touched before it scares the shit out of me im head rushed into thinking about all the "what-ifs" rising and falling in me, my guts raining like glitter into cob web...

Being picked away, or torn away, your ragged ending resembles the hurried attempt to remove you from where you really belong but where you could never be again. But still, you stand alert on a proud and sturdy beam of summer grass green that shimmers and shines in a polished finish.  Standing so tall and firm, the delicate curvature of your beam leans to where I know you once looked for food; evidence of your vulnerable life. Thick, long veins, noticeable only by touch, lead up until the summer grass green liquifies and splashes into a dramatic sail of ivory white.  The tear drop form, pinched off and twisted at the top tip salutes with your last remaining bit of summer grass green.  Rust colored freckles and constellations dot your rubber skin, with impressions drawn by the eye in firm shadows and highlights like sunbeams pointing to the center of your universe.  And in that center, protected from the world so tightly or left exposed by your white flag of surren...

from my poetry blog.... some decisions are just not ours to make... "yellow buddy" under a tree sits me who is this can it be? falling down from a branch with much less than a crash a bird so soft so yellow so sweet if i catch it i'll take it back home with me where it would not belong in a cage not so free if i leave it the nature so cruel and untamed may make sure id never see this bird again decisions i have them here and now to make leave alone yellow buddy, or yellow buddy i take? as he's helpless like wings clipped he shakes on the ground i sit there panicked from horrible sound of my yellow poor buddy just crawling around trying to grasp and look fast for a more stable ground should i help should i touch? should i try to reach out? will he let me stand him back on his feet? is he proud? just then with a yelp when all seems so hopeless he pushes his beak straight into the ground the sheer force it does m...

from my poetry blog... "Beauty Beyond Limits"  a glance above into the trees and the sky on a clear day, the colors bring beauty and bright a dark night with stars glowing peppered throughout  and the corners and caverns of beauty blacked out  a sea swell of thunder and lightning strength sprays bears a beautiful power and calm in the waves  for the very chance one could soak it all in  this beauty abounds and unfolds deep within  reflect on this treasure of beauty and measure  the worth of this world we're blessed to live in

from my poetry blog... "The Burrowing One" being afraid is a default response i wish someone would say  dont worry about the things that have happened to bring you this way  to a spot where youre frozen  and youre scared but you stay  locked in this time  but it passes like flight  that darts in and out of your vision  at night  when youre ready youll leave is what you always do say  when youre ready youll hit it  like it was always this way  but another day here  and another day passed and when you think back  ....what memories? the ones that didnt last there was nothing to be made and no pride to show now  go bury your head in the sand in the clouds