when i enter the lockerroom at NYSC Im always curious about how full it is. women everywhere. and then i wonder "where do they all go? they're all changing and getting ready but they're not occupying my weight floor....they're not on my stairmaster....and they're not in my stretch area... the rest of the gym seems so empty. where do all these people go??"
so let 'em think that weights will make you big. more room for me.
i worked in a gym for six months and nearly lost my mind. in the midst of a journey of self discovery, i took on a position that nearly made me lose my heart for fitness. and then i nearly lost sight of who and what I thought I was.
After that world, I took some considerable time off from working out the way I used to. for someone like me who is so severely all or nothing, I didnt really know what to do with myself other than to sulk about my fitness and about losing what I worked so hard for.
and i sulked for a while. But I couldnt stay down forever. my new fitness and clean lifestyle habits went in waves and before i knew it, i became a monday through thursday dieter - splurging and indulging every weekend. i was buying bigger pants and feeling mediocre about my body....and then feeling terrible. and then making excuses again.
all during this i was receiving messages from people who were inspired by me and what i accomplished. but deep down i felt like a fraud..."if they only knew." I wanted to be who they thought i was - but yet again, i somewhat resented how i was coining myself as the "fat girl turned fit girl."
so you lost a bunch of weight - who cares!
It was a whooooooole bunch of me feeling sorry for myself. I was disgusted by my own negative attitude.
but i worked HAAAARD to lose it - because I wanted it that badly. My life revolved around building muscle. it was TWENTY FOUR SEVEN ANABOLISM - that was my mission. And whatdya know - I lost 65lbs BUILDING MUSCLE.
Today, I dont plan my macros.
I am done with the competition stage.
I eat veggies - lots and lots of veggies and carrots are my FAVE!
I no longer painstakingly write in my journal - every rep/set/weight/lift style
Cardio is fun to me - and a treat, not a chore.
My weight routines are less routine - and I have more full-body days.
Overall, I feel better. And my skin looks better. Yes, I've gained weight and I am anxious yet patient about taking it off - especially how I've been seeing my body bounce back so quickly. I feel that this is now my chance to do things the right way.
Last night I worked chest and shoulders. Damn it feels so awesome being the only chick in the weight room. I think I found what was lost....good thing. That felt like way too long.
so let 'em think that weights will make you big. more room for me.
i worked in a gym for six months and nearly lost my mind. in the midst of a journey of self discovery, i took on a position that nearly made me lose my heart for fitness. and then i nearly lost sight of who and what I thought I was.
After that world, I took some considerable time off from working out the way I used to. for someone like me who is so severely all or nothing, I didnt really know what to do with myself other than to sulk about my fitness and about losing what I worked so hard for.
and i sulked for a while. But I couldnt stay down forever. my new fitness and clean lifestyle habits went in waves and before i knew it, i became a monday through thursday dieter - splurging and indulging every weekend. i was buying bigger pants and feeling mediocre about my body....and then feeling terrible. and then making excuses again.
all during this i was receiving messages from people who were inspired by me and what i accomplished. but deep down i felt like a fraud..."if they only knew." I wanted to be who they thought i was - but yet again, i somewhat resented how i was coining myself as the "fat girl turned fit girl."
so you lost a bunch of weight - who cares!
It was a whooooooole bunch of me feeling sorry for myself. I was disgusted by my own negative attitude.
but i worked HAAAARD to lose it - because I wanted it that badly. My life revolved around building muscle. it was TWENTY FOUR SEVEN ANABOLISM - that was my mission. And whatdya know - I lost 65lbs BUILDING MUSCLE.
Today, I dont plan my macros.
I am done with the competition stage.
I eat veggies - lots and lots of veggies and carrots are my FAVE!
I no longer painstakingly write in my journal - every rep/set/weight/lift style
Cardio is fun to me - and a treat, not a chore.
My weight routines are less routine - and I have more full-body days.
Overall, I feel better. And my skin looks better. Yes, I've gained weight and I am anxious yet patient about taking it off - especially how I've been seeing my body bounce back so quickly. I feel that this is now my chance to do things the right way.
Last night I worked chest and shoulders. Damn it feels so awesome being the only chick in the weight room. I think I found what was lost....good thing. That felt like way too long.