Healthy with Shani

last night i worked back. i definitely lost a significant amount of strength in my back and was having a hard time with 35lb single arm dumbbell rows for FIVE reps when i used to WARM UP with 35's. i cant let it get me frustrated. what else can i expect with having taken so much time away from lifting heavy? i let everyone else's input and opinions rule my training after I rebounded badly after my first show. i was just desperate to lose the weight and ended up with a very negative relationship with food. that desperation made me willing to try ANYTHING to "get fit quick" - that vicious cycle (even though patience is what transformed my body in the first place). i LOVE lifting heavy. it's empowering. Im so little, too - only 5'2. But right now Ive been reminding myself that thankfully I am not starting as a newbie like I did back in March of 2009. I know a hell of a lot more now than I did back then and cannot wait to learn even more as the years go by. The gy...

and it's back tonight - working on my pullups, especially - then 20 min HIIT on the stairmaster. i cannot even keep my eyes open and my whole body aches. i have a horrid headache that i refuse to remedy with food or otc's....so I'll chug more H2O and read some motivating and uplifting stuff and think about being super strong tonight! 3.5 hours...

I love how some people use the meds they take as their excuse for gaining weight. Have you ever noticed the myriad of side effects a drug warns of? They're called warnings because they're alerts - they're the WHAT IFs of taking a drug because the pharmaceutical companies can give you an "I told you so" if something bad happens to you when you take their substance. Who wants to be sued for not telling you what COULD happen....so they tell you everything. But I'm in no way trying to knock things that really do happen - there are some out there taking heavy doses and suffering some major illnesses, and thus, major side effects. I developed cataracts from Steroid drops I needed to tame my Uveitis. That's a side effect. Today I am on 20mg weekly Methotrexate. Methotrexate is a drug used commonly in low doses to control an over active immune system. It's common for Rheumatoid Arthritis and Leukemia treatment. I started on 15mg in August and had to go up to 2...

I always seem to be lazily active on the weekends - not so much actively lazy...I wish. But I did get to stay in bed on Saturday until 4.30pm. I happen to avoid the gym on the weekends lately....it's not because I dislike working out on the weekends, but necause I just. dont. feel like it. As long as I get five days a week, I feel good....and keeping the diet tight. I'm good. But if I were motivated enough on the weekends I would get my happy ass on the train and take the ride to the gym. But I'm not happy on the weekends - I'm sleepy. But my quads are still on fire and my knees feel great from squats on Friday night!

On Friday night I did squats. Since having severely painful knee joints, I've avoided anything to do with a lowered morion. Squats, if done poorly can wreck your joints - but if done properly, can be the best thing you could ever do for your knees. So it's a catch 22 - "How will I squat if it hurts to even angle my knees when I sit in a chair :(" I soaked in video after video and article after article of proper form - I was determined to do it again PERFECTLY - and readjust/restrategize if the pain was too severe. I vowed to find a way to get through it and be able to squat again. Nervous, a bit embarassed and determined, I grabbed a light bar and did a few practice squats. A few quick tinges of pain forced me to lean back more and rely on even weight on flat feet....and I was thanking god I was wearing new sneakers (stable footwear is VITAL). So long story short - I ended up on the squat rack, working slowly up to 105lbs for 8 reps. Just to be sure, I dropped it...

when i enter the lockerroom at NYSC Im always curious about how full it is. women everywhere. and then i wonder "where do they all go? they're all changing and getting ready but they're not occupying my weight floor....they're not on my stairmaster....and they're not in my stretch area... the rest of the gym seems so empty. where do all these people go??" so let 'em think that weights will make you big. more room for me. i worked in a gym for six months and nearly lost my mind. in the midst of a journey of self discovery, i took on a position that nearly made me lose my heart for fitness. and then i nearly lost sight of who and what I thought I was. After that world, I took some considerable time off from working out the way I used to. for someone like me who is so severely all or nothing, I didnt really know what to do with myself other than to sulk about my fitness and about losing what I worked so hard for. and i sulked for a while. But I co...

....and I can only say I intend to finish it. I have to go get ready to head to the gym. And later I may decide to explain why I'm back here once again.